Oh the joy of those first few months. One of my favorite authors describes it best:
"I have to smile when I look back on those rather naive times most of us have before we
become mothers for the first time. Oh my, the daydreams I used to have!
What fun it will be, I thought, to have someone call me Mommy, how exciting to sew 9
dresses for my little girls and knickers for my little boys, and how terrific to have a real excuse to
leave a boring church meeting. My list of exciting things about having a family of my own
went on. Just think of the lovely furniture, the rooms neat and orderly, and the gourmet meals I
will prepare, I mused.
When that first sweet baby finally came, I suddenly realized some things I hadn’t thought
of before. She had to be fed every two or three hours. I worried constantly about whether or
not she got enough to eat because she cried before and after I fed her. She certainly eliminated
the time I could spend with my husband and friends, because I was up all night feeding and
changing. I felt like a zombie in the morning -- irritable and touchy. The sacrifices changed, but they never ended as the child grew." -Linda Eyre
What an eye opening experience those first few months were. I always dreamed to be a mother, to hold my child and teach her/him all the wonderful things of this world. But as I lived the dream I realized it wasn't all roses and sunshine. There was a lot of poop and tiredness along the way. So why do it? Is it worth giving up so much of your time and effort? Yes, sometimes I sat in my rocking chair, my breasts aching from all the unsuccessful breastfeeding attempts, my hair looking like a birds nest, and I am pretty sure I had worn those black workout leggings all week. But the JOY! It made up for EVERYTHING. The first smile, the first giggle,that little body cuddled up to you at nights as you rock her and feeling how her heartbeat slows down and she instantly relaxes to your touch, looking into that little face and knowing that your created her with your husband she is literally a part of you. It is worth ALL of it.
I struggled those first few months. Me and motherhood did not have a love at first sight. I remember thinking "I can't do this. I can't do this!" But my love slowly grew as the months went by and I saw the fruits of my labor. Her love for reading grew as we attended story time, nature became part of her life and animals her best friends. She started responding to my touch after countless hours of rocking her and kissing her. Breastfeeding became something I looked forward to rather than dreaded-there really is something so special and unique about the bonding time during breastfeeding I dare say I miss it. And now that love consumes me and I cannot see a greater calling that to be called a Mother. And like Linda said as she grew the sacrifices just changed but I found myself changing as well. I was no longer that clueless mom who freaked out about any little mishap but I knew how to handle situations better and adapt to the sacrifices. Those first few months were such a time of change and growth both for me and Isabella. All that hard work was worth the relationship we have today. As she runs to me with her hands wide open and kisses me as she laughs calling me "Mama Mama!" I am reminded what a joy motherhood is, a hard, challenging, unending Joy. I am like the Grinch, my small selfish heart has grown three sizes and will only keep growing as we add little people to our home.
