THOSE EARLY MONTHS

       

Oh the joy of those first few months. One of my favorite authors describes it best:

"I have to smile when I look back on those rather naive times most of us have before we 

become mothers for the first time. Oh my, the daydreams I used to have!

What fun it will be, I thought, to have someone call me Mommy, how exciting to sew 9

dresses for my little girls and knickers for my little boys, and how terrific to have a real excuse to 

leave a boring church meeting. My list of exciting things about having a family of my own 

went on. Just think of the lovely furniture, the rooms neat and orderly, and the gourmet meals I 

will prepare, I mused.

When that first sweet baby finally came, I suddenly realized some things I hadn’t thought 

of before. She had to be fed every two or three hours. I worried constantly about whether or 

not she got enough to eat because she cried before and after I fed her. She certainly eliminated 

the time I could spend with my husband and friends, because I was up all night feeding and 

changing. I felt like a zombie in the morning -- irritable and touchy. The sacrifices changed, but they never ended as the child grew." -Linda Eyre

What  an eye opening experience those first few months were. I always dreamed to be a mother, to hold my child and teach her/him all the wonderful things of this world. But as I lived the dream I realized it wasn't all roses and sunshine. There was a lot of poop and tiredness along the way. So why do it? Is it worth giving up so much of your time and effort? Yes, sometimes I sat in my rocking chair, my breasts aching from all the unsuccessful breastfeeding attempts, my hair looking like a birds nest, and I am pretty sure I had worn those black workout leggings all week. But the JOY! It made up for EVERYTHING. The first smile, the first giggle,that little body cuddled up to you at nights as you rock her and feeling how her heartbeat slows down and she instantly relaxes to your touch, looking into that little face and knowing that your created her with your husband she is literally a part of you. It is worth ALL of it. 

I struggled those first few months. Me and motherhood did not have a love at first sight. I remember thinking "I can't do this. I can't do this!" But my love slowly grew as the months went by and I saw the fruits of my labor. Her love for reading grew as we attended story time, nature became part of her life and animals her best friends. She started responding to my touch after countless hours of rocking her and kissing her. Breastfeeding became something I looked forward to rather than dreaded-there really is something so special and unique about the bonding time during breastfeeding I dare say I miss it.  And now that love consumes me and I cannot see a greater calling that to be called a Mother. And like Linda said as she grew the sacrifices just changed but I found myself changing as well. I was no longer that clueless mom who freaked out about any little mishap but I knew how to handle situations better and adapt to the sacrifices. Those first few months were such a time of change and growth both for me and Isabella. All that hard work was worth the relationship we have today. As she runs to me with her hands wide open and kisses me as she laughs calling me "Mama Mama!" I am reminded what a joy motherhood is, a hard, challenging, unending Joy. I am like the Grinch, my small selfish heart has grown three sizes and will only keep growing as we add little people to our home. 

BIRTH STORY

Isabella Luz Wells was born on July 14th,2013. 3 days after my birthday. It all the started my birthday morning when I went to the doctor's office to get checked. Turns out I'm 4cm dialated and 90% effaced so they offer to induce me on Sunday if she doesn't come by then. Sunday comes and we decide to get induced. I was so weird just calmly walking into the hospital to go have my baby. I always pictured myself as one of those crazy ladies who walks in screaming in pain "get me the juice!!" Instead I got hooked up to Percocet and in 25 min I was getting contractions. I saw no need for pain so the moment they offered it I accepted the epidural. The man who gave it to me, bless his heart, had a thick Indian accent. I could not for the life of me understand what he was saying. I think he said "roll over like a cat" like 4 times until the nurse translated for him. Instantly the contractions went away. THANK YOU inventor of the epidural!!
It was ll so calm and painless. I kept on dialating and a lady came in and broke my water. We tried watching tv but it just felt weird to watch tv as I waited. About 2.5 hours had passed since I entered the hospital. Then they come in and tell me it's time to push. At this point I felt like I hadn't done anything except roll over like a cat so it all felt like I wasn't having a baby. The pushing part made up for that. I pushed for 2 hours with very little progress. By the way my doctor hasn't even showed up at this point I'm with a nurse and my mom and Stephen are holding my legs apart. TMI but you get the picture. It was not what I expected. Finally Doctor Broadbent shows up and everything speeds up real fast. He says I have two options c section or forceps. We decided on forceps and within 15 minutes he is pulling Isabella out and I hear the sweetest, loudest, baby cries. She came out loud and strong willed just like her momma. My biggest memory of my labor is those 20 seconds when I felt Isabella's little body come out of me. It was such a surreal experience. It was the first time our bodies were separated, up to then it felt like we were one.  As soon as the delivery was over I start crying and can't stop. My whole body is shaking especially my hands. It took me a minute or two before I could hold Isabella because I was nervous of dropping her. I didn't realize how scared I was because the pushing took so long until I held her. Oh what a sweet experience that is. So little, so fragile.
One of the things that makes Isabella's birth so special is what she looked like. From the moments anyone laid their eyes on our new baby it was like looking at a mini Stephen. At that moment in our lives it was just what her daddy needed: a reminder of the potential he had and the greatness he could create. I am so grateful that we were sent such a special gift.

PREGNANCY

Being pregnant is awesome in a very crazy, weird, love/hate way. here are my current top six events of pregnancy:
1. Feeling a little human being inside of you: coolest thing ever. Isa loves to kick. I picture her as an energetic strong willed little girl. I will be sitting in the most random place like staff meeting at work and she will start kicking, and i will slowly put my hand in my stomach and enjoy every moment. At nights I like laying on my side because it helps with the heartburn (heartburn story next). Isabella doesn't like it so she will start kicking me on my side until I move. So i'll switch sides. but she'll start kicking my other side too. Finally I give in and lay on my back and start laughing imagining my little stubborn baby smiling inside because she got her way. She is just like her mom.

2. Heartburn. This one is awful in a funny way. So one night I'm by myself laying in bed and all of a sudden I feel my chest burning. I start freaking out thinking I'm having a heart attack. (i had never had heartburn before) I start holding my chest and almost cried and then I remember one of the common pregnancy symptoms: Heartburn. I lay there laughing with relief since I'm not dying but then stop because it makes the heartburn worse.

3. I'm on a seafood diet: I see food and I eat it. So at the beginning of my pregnancy I didn't know how prego ladies gained weight. I never wanted to eat and everything looked gross. After this past month, I definitely know how we gain wait. I eat like a bear. I find myself around the dinner table with people and everyone is saying how stuffed they are and I'm thinking "hmm I could probably eat another plate." Or I'll wake up at 3 in the morning have a bowl of cereal and then wake up in the morning starving as if I've been fasting for days.

4. Hormones. Honestly my mood swings aren't terrible but I have had some funny moments. One night Stephen came home at 6:00am after his 8 hour graveyard shift and found me balling in bed. I had just had a nightmare of my grandma dying and i couldn't stop crying. I seriously cried for about half an hour. Stephen finally just went to the bathroom (since that's the only way we can give each other privacy in our studio apartment) and said he would just let me cry it out. Oh and then the day I got furious at the contact lense lady at Cotsco because she sucks at explaining how their deals work. I drove home bashing on her the whole way and all Stephen said was at least this time you are mad at her and not me (so sad but so true)

5. Soreness. if you see me walking around campus like I just got off a horse don't judge me. My whole body feels like I just ran a marathon. The worse is when I drop something and I have to pick it up or when I am laying in bed and have to take one of my many bathroom breaks. On Sunday I took a bath and was so sore I had to have Stephen pull me out of the bathtub cause I couldn't get up by myself. For some reason this was hilarious to Stephen and he stood there laughing for a minute before helping me out.

6.Gym time. For some weird reason this past month I have loved going to the gym. It helps me work on the mood swings and makes me feel like I'm doing something about the huge belly (even though it keeps growing). Plus it keeps me busy while my poor husband works his butt off in either his work, his internship or school. Yesterday a girl told me I was a champ for being there and to take it easy. And you know what I realized? She is right, I'm a champ for being there! Go me

Can I just fast forward through the next 3 months and have my little girl in my hands?